We’ve had a few smiles whilst skimming through my Mom’s photo albums since her death.  I’ve brought them home with me to scan in some of those of which I didn’t already have copies.  And I think actually,I do want photos around in my future.  Not necessarily in frames around the house but definitely ones I can visit from time to time either in albums or online.  So, for #MyTime I’m going to note that I may well want records of events so that I can revisit them.  So I will continue to take photos but I do need to remember to store them or print them – we all know phones can lose everything just at the wrong time!  And also to make a note of who is in them.  I’ve got lots more to look through over the coming weeks, and am starting to populate my family tree with photos where I have them too, but there will be time, in #MyTime.

What an intense couple of months this has been.  Since the new year, my mother’s health has declined rapidly until her death a couple of weeks ago and we said farewell to her at her burial on Friday.   Of course there are still all the practical things to sort and the grieving to be acknowledged but now, my focus returns to me and mine.

I’m reminded that #MyTime was about discovering the things that I want to spend my time with, when I have it.  Now, I don’t want it all to be about looking back, I’m open to new things and I hope I will have the courage to try and do new things.  I may not always be able to do everything I want to though.  I’m nursing a fractured wrist at the moment (yes, what was that about self-care in week 29?) so whatever I choose to do I need to make sure I am able and actually, sometimes, I may need help to achieve it.  I certainly couldn’t have done some of the clearing tasks this last weekend if David, my partner, hadn’t been there to help, and so many other things too.  What’s more, over this last few weeks, I’ve had so much emotional support from friends that I couldn’t possibly feel alone.

Some de-cluttering going on at home – the pig barn (my studio in the garden) is looking great even if that does mean our conservatory has become a dumping ground.  With my mother’s passing just over a week ago, and gearing up for her burial (she’s asked for no funeral, just a simple prayer over the grave), I’m pleased to benefit from how much she has already sorted things to save us any difficulty.  She was a lady in control for most of her 90 years, only having to give in to the restrictions imposed by her frailty in her last few weeks and she has left us with no need for some huge sorting or difficult decisions and although we will need to dispose of some things and select some keepsakes, her affairs and belongings are very much in order.  So, I’m taking a lesson from Mom for #MyTime.  I plan to deal with things that need to be dealt with, to use up things and pass them on and surround myself with whatever I need or want.  If I’m not going to reuse and revisit, then why keep hold of “stuff”.  OK, I might regret it from time to time but better to have the clear view that comes from less clutter.

Losing a parent is something the majority of us have to deal with at one time or another – a really common event but not one many people feel prepared for even if it’s expected.  When my father died – 19 years ago now – it was so sudden and a shock for us all.  It was pretty difficult to compute and move on.  We had just a few weeks’ warning with my mother, who sadly died on Friday, but I can’t say the family was any better prepared.  Everybody needs to grieve in their own way and it’s so important to find that way for oneself but one thing I do know is that the grieving process is enhanced by remembrance and I plan to store up a heap of memories to draw on in my retirement years.  My mother marked her 90th birthday in hospital  a few weeks’ ago with a timely visit from a palliative nurse but she still managed to read all her cards and letters from friends and raise a glass and share some special time with her close family and, I think, knowing it was the beginning of her farewell to us all.

An essential bit of advice for life in general and particularly as we get older and less able – looking after oneself, taking care of stamina, energies and emotional well-being.  It’s been a hard weekend personally and this advice seems very pertinent right now but will be more so as time goes on so for #MyTime I really do want to make time for my own well-being in order to be able to do whatever I want to try.

It’s probably not the same for everyone but for those of us whose family ties have been fairly loosely knotted over the years, it can be a pleasant surprise when blood links bond in a crisis.  With my mother’s continuing ill-health resulting in hospitalisation and, by the end of this week, admission to a nursing home, I have immense value and gratitude for how our own small family has responded and worked together, with each playing their part to ease my mother’s last days, added to which there is a supporting net cast by the extended family, friends and colleagues.  So, I feel for #MyTime at week 28, I want to be mindful of keeping strong those family ties and supporting friendship – both in giving and receiving.

It’s been a strange old week or two – lots of visits to Birmingham as my mother is very poorly and on Friday was admitted to hospital.  It was really nice when yesterday, my partner, David, said he’d told the bees for me.  Well I had already told them we had concerns but it is a lovely tradition to “tell the bees” of all those important events and I’m glad we were of the same mind.  So, I hope it is not all sad news in my future but I will want to tell the bees when significant events happen – even if I feel they already know.

A creative outlet for #MyTime

I wondered if I might choose a craft or two for #MyTime and, challenged by my partner’s daughter to make her a hat for Xmas next year, and having a little time to dip into my wool bag whilst visiting my mother, I started to play around with a few stitches.  So, for #MyTime, when I have some to spare, I’m going to do some crocheting.  And maybe I will produce that hat for Hannah.

I gave away my crochet hooks and knitting needles a good twenty years or so ago, assuming I would never want to pick them up again.  But crochet is a pastime that seems to resurface every decade or two when I create a hat or scarf (and a few shadow puppets I seem to recall).  In my pre-teen years, I learned to crochet from “auntie Claudia” – a family friend – who was quite the expert, very patient and guided my creation of a white beret which I wore for many years.  So, yes, it may not be something I spend a lot of time with but it still feels good and is a great creative outlet – I don’t really have many of those.  I’m not looking to be an expert but it could be fun from time to time to revisit the wool bag.

There’s a road in our village that, although we’ve lived here some 12+ years, I’ve never walked down.  In fact there are probably a few!  As a friend was visiting and interested in a couple of properties for sale in a particular road, we walked around there and it reminded me I really like to walk around the village – it’s a nice reminder of my close environs and where I have chosen to live.  So, I will do that more I think when I get some #MyTime and if or when I do move home then I will seek to get my bearing by discovering what is nearby – people and place.  I’m lucky that I know most of the families in my street and there is a good feeling of community so getting to know what else is around and about will be fun.

It’s been a good opportunity to clear out some stuff in the quiet post-Xmas period.  We had a lot of work done in the house a year ago and much of the “unwanted” items were relegated to various outside spaces.  But we know we don’t have spaces for them, and the risk is they just lie around for years to come waiting for a new home and at the same time block the better use of both the “pigbarn” (our garden studio) and workshop.  So when old friends dropped by for a New Year visit and offered to help, we took advantage of extra pairs of hands to clear out unwanted tables, cupboards and lamps and lots of rubbish piled up in the garden.  Two visits to the local recycling centre and we can at least get into the spaces we want to use and sort our yet more unwanted items.   There are lots of other things we’ve held on to and which we’ll never use or find a space for so this really is a good time to let go of those things which won’t have a place in our future.

So, for #MyTime too, I want to be sure that I don’t hold on to those unrealistic intentions and the clutter that doesn’t add value to my life.  I want to be open to anything new but whatever wishes and intentions I held at 21, if not already realised, are mostly impractical to pursue in my later years.  So, to avoid any unnecessary regrets, I’ll give myself the permission to let go …